The Fattest Bride You Know – Episode #140
Today we discuss a blog post that we both found very interesting on fat brides. Listen in to hear our commentary on all the things mentioned in the blog post.
From Blog Sweet Jane Says
**Author's Note: I wear a US size 14-16 and I fully acknowledge my privilege of being a white, acceptable fat. My experience was extremely poor and I cannot imagine (but would love to hear about) the experiences of other fat and super fat brides**
- 104 days still isn't enough time to get a wedding dress for a fat bride with a budget of $1500.
- I should have bought my dress a year ago when I got engaged. It doesn't matter that I was pregnant at the time and had no clue what the hell my body was going to do or how it was going to look, I should have bought that dress and altered my body any which way I had to in order to fit in it. Or at least that's what I walked away with from the first (and only) bridal appointment that I arranged.
- Honestly, I was on the fence about doing any bridal appointments at all. There is something about trying clothes on in front of people that really does not appeal to me. When I try stuff, I want to take it in solo and judge it worthy before I show it off, but if “Say Yes to the Dress” has taught us anything, that is just not how wedding dress shopping is done. Plus, I told myself, maybe, just maybe it will be fun.
- I picked a very cute, Instagram-worthy shop on the west-side of Atlanta to be my jumping off point small shop and very intimate
- My maid of honor, who is also engaged, and I (unbeknownst to each other) picked the same day and had back-to-back appointments, which was kind of magical because we could try on dresses together.
- My friend, who is also plus-size, had her appointment first. She is getting married a year from now and had a bunch of stuff to choose from. In all honesty, the first dress she picked was so stunning She rocked the hell out of it.
- I wanted a super boho, not too traditional dress, preferably with some lace. We pulled seven or eight and I couldn't wait to try them on. I had a baby five months ago and abdominal surgery two weeks ago so I'll admit I'm not feeling my physical best, however, I thought I was sort of getting back to myself.Not a single dress even came close to fitting. The first dress wouldn't fit on my arms so I was forced to walk out of the dressing room pushing them in front of me like I was holding an invisible platter.
- The second dress I barely squeezed into and was so tight the zipper wouldn't go up at all so the assistant shoved what looked like a pillowcase in the back of it so my entire butt wouldn't be exposed. The third one was a “very stretchy, forgiving fabric” according to my assistant, which is the only reason I was able to get it slightly into place and it was still so tight I felt (and looked) like I was jammed into a sausage casing.
- I stood in the dressing room, wearing a pair of loose, high-waisted maternity underwear, and tried not to cry while my assistant held up dresses and said: “this won't fit, but imagine what it would look like on.” If I want to imagine what a dress looks like on, I'll stick with my fat girl forte and buy something online.
- The dress that I was most excited about, was marked 50% off because the style had been discontinued, I was not even allowed to attempt to try on because there was no way that it would fit and the assistant seemed seriously concerned that I would rip it.
- Okay, so I know what you might be thinking “well you just went to the wrong place, you can go to a bridal salon with plus sizes!”
- I emailed the salon and let them know my size, my wedding date, and my budget well ahead of my appointment and even made it seem like it might be an issue. They told me to come on down and that they would definitely have something to accommodate me. In fact, when we got there one of the bridal assistants even bragged about how they “do all this research” on their clients before they come so that they can pull stuff that we'll love.
- I made the appointment because I wanted to feel like a bride. I've had a rough year. I had a baby, I had all these medical issues that ultimately required surgery, my relationship with my partner has been under a decent amount of stress because of this turbulence, and I haven't really gotten to do the fun wedding stuff.
- Instead, I felt like an outsider intruding on this lovely world where of course nothing would fit me because I am not ideal nor am I welcome.
- Sometimes it is really hard to be body positive and it is even harder to be fat positive.
- This year, the average size of an American woman was officially bumped up to a 16-18, brands and retailers are slowly, but surely starting to design more fashionable, affordable plus-size clothing, and indie brands are killing the game (shout out to plus-size bloggers Gabi Gregg and Nicolette Mason whose Premme line was popular that their website crashed almost immediately after launching), so why are we still marginalizing plus-size brides?
- After my appointment, my bridal assistant sent me an email and said that my timeline and price point were the problem and told me to check out Reformation or BHLDN. I'm familiar with both. Neither stock plus-sizes.
Jane Janeczko is a Northeastern-born, Midwestern-educated, Southern transplant currently living and writing in Atlanta, Ga. This just mostly means that she doesn't have any discernible accent, but she does say some words weird. She likes dogs, ugly clothes, and dying her hair. You can reach her via email at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Instagram @jane_czko.
Hi Shannon & Kim,
First of all, thank you SO much for your awesome podcast! I found it shortly after I got engaged and it’s been so helpful throughout my planning process.
I’m hoping you can help me with a unique question about my wedding day jewelry. I’m wearing this totally awesome illusion neckline dress that I’m kind of obsessed with, and from the moment I tried it on I knew I wanted to wear it with my hair up and with some drop earrings. That got my mom really excited because she wore some really pretty gold drop earrings in her own wedding. They’re not super fancy; they’re from some costume jewelry designer who was popular back in the 80s (think Kendra Scott quality). My mom is SO tickled that her earrings are exactly the style that would look great with my dress, and I know she really wants me to wear them. I agree with her that it would be really special for both of us, and I think the earrings are beautiful in every aspect except for one – the color.
What I’m struggling with, and what I haven’t told my mom yet, is that I really want my wedding day jewelry to be silver. Honestly, gold would clash with everything I’ve envisioned for the the overall look, feel, and color scheme of my day.
Do you think it might be possible for a jeweler to transform my mother’s earrings from gold to silver? Could they maybe plate them with Sterling or Rhodium? I’m not sure whether that’s something they would even do with costume jewelry. And if it is a possibility, how do I approach my mom about it? I’m worried she’ll be offended or hurt that the earrings in their current state aren’t quite what I want, and she might not even approve of me altering them at all.
I’m really hoping you can help because this has got me pretty stressed out and you ladies always seem to give such sound advice!
Thanks so much,
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-Until next time, No Stress No Worries Keep Calm and Listen On-